I’ve been feeling heavy-hearted for the past few months. Everywhere I look, layoffs are happening, job hunting is taking much longer than usual, and offers are being rescinded or postponed. Even the ones who get to keep their jobs struggle with low morale and survivor guilt.
It hurts, and words seem to pale in comparison.
But the past has taught us that wherever challenges exist, there is growth. I hope this article helps you find your footing in the tech downturn and carve out a path of resilience.
When big changes happen, it often feels like they happen to us. It’s as if we are ambushed/losing control/powerless. Our values and identity become shaky and even questionable. Many people didn’t know it took me over six months to land my first full-time job. In those six long months, I spent every minute of my waking hours doing something related to job hunting. The pressure had never been higher, and the outlook grimmer. It was a big hit to my confidence and, many times, drove me to a downward spiral.
Looking back, there were two factors at play.
- First, there was a blurred boundary between who I am and my work. Put another way, my work was a direct reflection of me and my value. So when my work was rejected, it meant my value was questionable. It took me some time to grasp this lesson, but work is only a part of us. Beyond being a designer/researcher/developer/PM, we are also a friend/daughter/mother/writer/so much more. It’s neither possible nor fair to capture a multi-faceted and voluminous person with just one identity and singular value.
- Secondly, I was under the illusion that somehow I could control the result. After all, if I had tried harder, it would have been different, right? In reality, there are many, many factors at play (e.g., economic climate, company priorities, individual performance). Just because I pushed myself to the limit doesn’t mean I could guarantee the outcome, nor should I. Getting comfortable with uncertainty is a way of life, and what matters is the journey.
Now let’s shift the focus back to you. How do you regain some control over the uncertainty? One exercise I take my team through in situations like this is to redefine our goals. Recognizing the uncontrollable and chaotic nature of the circumstance, what do you personally hope to achieve regardless of the outcome? What is important to you? It could be a particular skill you’d like to hone, an area you’d like to grow in, or relationships you’d like to build and strengthen. Write down your personal goals, and brainstorm concrete steps to take towards them. They are now your new reality.
Difficult times often go hand in hand with difficult emotions. The discomfort and grief of losing a job, a colleague, or certainty constantly nags us to do more, as if that will get us out of “here” (wherever here is). You know you are in it when you hear, “Yes, I am stressed out/not doing well/burnt out. But as soon as I get through this period/get this done/get to the finish line, everything will be fine.”
Actions and positivity can be deceivingly attractive, and they make us feel like we are making progress. But more likely than not, they are a distraction to what needs our attention — the unprocessed emotions. When left unattended, the unprocessed emotions eventually find a way to unconsciously hinder us from moving forward.
Another way to think about it is to imagine you have worked through the challenges and finally got to the other side. From that place of security, what do you give yourself permission for? Would you allow yourself to express vulnerability and meet the grief/sadness with compassion? Would you allow yourself to rest for just one day without being distracted by the chatter to “move, move, move”?
Being “here” is like untangling a ball of yarn. Even though the physical body may be still, you’re actively sorting and processing the tightness and confusion within you. Here are some prompts to reflect on:
- What is on your mind, and where is your focus?
- What is calling for your attention that you may be actively avoiding?
- What holds you back from moving on from the difficult emotions?
- What are your inner voices telling you?
- How would you like to respond to your inner voices?
- What are the important things you want to remind yourself of?
- What are you neglecting in favor of the current focus?
- What happens if you devote more of your attention to what is important but neglected?
It’s only natural to want to understand how it happened and take learnings from it. As the Chinese proverb says, “Failure is the mother of success.” It is through reflection that we look for patterns and understand them. It is an opportunity to pick and choose what you’d like to take into the next chapter. For instance, you may recognize the importance of value alignment with the next opportunity. Or, you may want to work in a role that supports your development and growth.
It’s also worth mentioning the difference between productive and unproductive reflection:
- Productive reflection/introspection is more action-oriented and future-focused. It examines and explores the problem and seeks ways to move forward. It is gentle and forgiving.
- Unproductive reflection, or rumination, is “repeatedly and passively thinking about the causes or consequences of problems without moving to active problem-solving.” The questions that often show up include Why me? If I had done… this wouldn’t have happened. What if…? It may also be tied to perfectionism, which often manifests in harsh self-feedback/criticism.
Productive reflection aligns with an important concept in systems coaching called feed-forward (instead of feedback). What are the learnings you will act on next time? How will you tackle the challenges differently in the future? Feed-forward allows us to look ahead and think about how our behaviors will change instead of rehashing the same old problem. Remember, at any time, you can choose to be your own biggest cheerleader or harshest critic. To paraphrase what Oliver Burkeman wrote in Four Thousand Weeks, choose what expands you and not what diminishes you.